21 December 2007

Jewellery jewellery jewellery

Oh my god I'm SO annoyed with the jewellery company I've bought my Mum's Christmas present from (Pia Jewellery, burn in hell). I ordered her the earrings she wanted on 4 December, that's 17 days ago, and they still haven't even dispatched them! I've rung them SO many times to say "look, it's a Christmas present, is it going to be here in time?" and every time they say yes yes they've just had a backlog of orders but it's going out very soon and will definitely be here the week before Christmas.

Er, no! It's Friday now and you've still not sent the bloody things! And so I ring them up AGAIN last night and say "er what are you doing" and they said they are POSTING them first class today. POST?? Who POSTS things two working days before Christmas and actually expects them to get there?? That's ridiculous! And I'm not even confident they're actually going to post them today just because they've said they will.

So now I've got to tell Mum she might have no present from me on Christmas Day, and she'll give me that reproachful look of perhaps you should have ordered them earlier. You chose the bloody earrings, I thought I was getting the easy option of just buying something off the internet and not having to trawl round the shops!

I'm now going to write a strongly worded letter. It will do no good at all of course, but I've got nothing better to do with my time and I feel like kicking up a fuss.

20 December 2007

To bitch or not to bitch

I just spent a little while clicking on the 'Next Blog' link that you get at the top of this page, just to see what sort of thing other people post on their blogs. My god there is some random rubbish on here! Some people just post photos, which is fine, but one person posts a daily picture of their tigger doll. What the hell is that?? There are lots of made-up blogs that try to get you to go to porn sites, some random ones that are just gibberish, and one lady who has posted her entire shopping list including how much she saved with her coupons.

All in all, there were actually very few blogs from people just posting about what they've been doing, what interests them, and those sorts of normal things.

It started me thinking about what I write on here, and what I'd like to write on here. Sometimes I would really like to have a good bitch about people who have annoyed me, but then I encounter a problem. Because I've syndicated my blog with my facebook profile, I'm linked to practically everyone I know on facebook and so they can find their way to my blog. I don't actually want to upset anyone, even if I bitch about someone it doesn't mean I don't like them, it just means I'm annoyed. So then it means I end up not writing about anyone I know on here, in case they read it...

So either: I bite the bullet and just write what I think, on the assumption they'll never see it and if they do, tough luck. Or I keep my blog abstract and about people I don't really know or work with. Hmm, what to do what to do...

17 December 2007

In your face, Welshy

I am SO pleased that Rhydian didn't win X-Factor! Obviously I would have preferred it if Same Difference had won, they are just so happy and cheesey, but at the same time I knew they never could. I'm surprised they got as far as coming third actually. But who else actually flew around the stage on bits of string?? That definitely deserved some credit.

Once it was down to Rhydian and Leon I thought oh no he's going to win now, even to the point where I voted for Leon just to try and prevent it. And it worked! I couldn't bear the thought of that albino twat being on the radio all the time, even the gappy-toothed Scottish midget is better than that. And although Rhydian was mostly big smiles and congratulations, there was one moment when he was in the background that he did NOT look happy! Good...

I've read today that people are complaining they tried to vote for Rhydian and couldn't get through for an hour. Yeah whatever, that's just sour grapes. If you live in Wales, you can expect to have a crappy phone network, nobody wants to ring anyone in Wales anyway so what's the point in having a good one?

So now Rhydian can be consigned to the dustbin of oblivion that is the 'X-Factor Tour', Leon can have two singles then get dropped, and I can look forward to Same Difference coming to do a gig at Revenge!

13 December 2007

The Proof...

... were actually really good! But oh my god I am so tired now, I don't know quite how I made it in to work.

They sang about six songs, stuff like My Girl and Valerie and some others, and had surprisingly good voices. It wasn't packed in there, enough people for it not to be too shameful, but it was much busier when it was Eton Road. One of them, the best-looking one with the shaved head, seemed to be obsessed with having his microphone turned up. He asked about four times until his was clearly much louder than everyone else's, which made him look a bit self-centred!

In the end I only got about 3 hours sleep, and now I'm really feeling rough. I don't know how I'm supposed to be going out for another Christmas meal with drinking and dancing tonight. Actually, yes I do know. The plan is that I'll try to leave work early today, I'll have a nice sleep, and then I will have limited alcohol intake this evening as I'll clearly still be recovering from yesterday. Hopefully I'll be able to make it in tomorrow in not too bad a state. My poor liver must hate me.

11 December 2007

Reverse management

This afternoon I've got to go back to my old job in order to train the replacement for my old manager on how to do their job. How stupid is that? I shouldn't be training them to do their job even if I still worked there, let alone six weeks after I left! It's just typical of their chronic ineptitude though, I'm surprised the office hasn't burnt down since I left. Oh well, I get an afternoon out of the office I suppose and I doubt I'll finish in time to come back to work here.

I am well looking forward to Christmas now. This week is a Christmas party overload. I've got a Christmas lunch tomorrow followed probably by pub, and then clubbing in the evening (I'll come back to this bit), then a Christmas dinner on Thursday with my old job, then a Christmas office party on Friday, then a Christmas dinner with friends on Friday night. I'm going to be such a fat bastard, I'll have to start running to work or something.

Oo yes, and Wednesday night should be very exciting as we are planning to go and see Futureproof perform! Sure, they are a slung-together boyband who only came about 7th on X-Factor, but we like tacky crap and baby they are it. And the beauty of boybands is that you get to judge them and pick the one you think is most attractive as your favourite while dismissing the rest for bad teeth/bad hair/lopsided squashed face.

04 December 2007

Oo hang on

Claw-hand lady (as she shall henceforth be called) has now swapped her disinterested young ladies for two boys. One of them is quite nice, I like his highlights. She’s still doing the claw hand, I can’t quite figure out why. Perhaps she has read the best-selling ‘Make friends and influence people by doing a claw hand’.

Blond highlights is nodding and trying to look intelligent.

Things are looking up at last.

Damn I jinxed it

It seems that having discussed on here that I spend my days watching attractive male nurses doing interesting things in the seminar room opposite, I have immediately ruined it. Since last week there has been a distinct lack of anything exciting happening in there, let alone it being carried out by nice boys with good hair. At the moment there is a rather sour-looking blonde woman doing an odd claw-hand mime to two girls who are feigning interest, and that's the most stimulating thing I've seen since Thursday. This is rather a shame as it was my main source of amusement. I might email room bookings and ask them to move some more classes in there, particularly the ones with above-average 19 year-olds. I'm sure that's the kind of information they gather on their seminar groups.

03 December 2007

Start the week as you mean to go on

Oh my god I'm SO annoyed! I hate the bus so much, no wonder nobody wants to take public transport and just wants to drive everywhere in their comfy cars. 50 minutes it took me to get to work today, 50! And it's only a 10-15 minute drive. Admittedly, it was partly my bad decision-making that helped make me so late, but I still choose to blame the buses. The stupid live update sign things that tell you how long you've got to wait just lie to you, trick you into getting on a different bus to save time, and then you see three of the bus you actually wanted sail straight past. So then I was late for work and will have to make up the flexi time at some point during the week, stupid bastard buses.

Oh and of course the bus I was on was full of pikey parents and their out of control offspring. Who lets their children practice "who can stamp and scream the loudest" in a public place? Who?? They weren't upset, they weren't complaining, they were just having a competition to see who could make the most noise and their parents just ignored them. I don't know what's wrong with people any more, I really don't. There's just no respect for anyone else, no inkling that maybe you should consider other people in the decisions that you make. But you can't actually say anything or complain, because you run a 50/50 chance of either getting a mouthful of abuse (usually some inarticulate version of "you telling me how to raise my kid?") or being stabbed to death on the top deck while everyone else tries very hard to ignore you for fear of being stabbed themselves. When did the world end up like this?

So anyway, that's my cheery start to Monday.

30 November 2007

My interesting view

Unusually, the window from my office does not open into the outside world, and instead opens into the interior courtyard of my building. Initially I was disappointed not to have fresh air and sunshine, but then I realised that my view is far more interesting where it is. Directly opposite my window is a seminar room where they do all sorts of interesting things to keep me amused during the day. Last Friday the students were pummelling a small plastic baby in the back and making its head flail around. I assume they were learning about clearing airways or resuscitating a baby or something, but it didn’t look to me like the baby would enjoy it very much.

“Yes we managed to clear the blockage madam, but unfortunately your child’s head has come off. You should probably get that checked.”

There is also the added bonus that lots of male nursing students are really quite attractive. If I had an outside view, I suppose I would occasionally see someone hot walk past for a few seconds and then they’d be gone. With a seminar room, they’re obliged to sit there for an hour while I look at them. Not in a pervy way of course, I’m sure they don’t even notice. Although I should probably rethink the opera glasses, they may attract attention.

29 November 2007

New blog

I have decided to ditch the LiveBlog application in facebook because no-one could actually read it very easily. So I'm now trying out Blogger, and using a nifty little application called Flog Blog to feed my posts into my facebook profile. I guess I could feed it into lots of other places as well, and saturate the whole world with my opinion, that'd be nice for you all wouldn't it?

31 October 2007

New job tomorrow

I’m starting my new job at the university tomorrow. I’ve been so busy in my current/old job up until today that I’ve hardly had a second to think about it, but now that I can I’m getting a bit nervous. I hope it’ll be OK, I’m sure it will be. If I succeed in not totally freaking out like I did when I started my last job that’ll be an improvement at least!

It’ll be great to be back up at Falmer I think, it’s such a nice working environment. I’m not looking forward to getting the bus every day again, but hopefully it’ll be worth it.

23 October 2007

Isle of Wightian adventure

We got back yesterday from our mini-break to the Isle of Wight. It was lovely in lots of ways, but the first part was just AWFUL!

I booked us two nights in a nice-looking hotel we found on lastminute.com, and the journey was fine all they way down to Shanklin in the car and ferry etc. Then we got to the hotel and thought “hmmm… this is… okaaay...” and tried to put a brave face on it, but really it just wasn’t. The only word I can use to describe the Sherwood Court Hotel is crap-hole. The receptionist woman was insane and frightening; the room was FILTHY, in that after walking around with no shoes on I felt I had to change my socks; and the clientele was vile. If you told me I’d accidentally booked two nights in a job centre in Moulsecoomb I would have believed you.

We decided to make the best of it and went out for some dinner, and promptly got homophobically abused by a passing motorist. Managed to find Shanklin’s one restaurant, where we had a nice meal actually, and then we went back to The Hotel Craporama where we were kept awake for three hours by the other guests shouting at each other, slamming doors, and coughing and snoring. Yes snoring could be heard through the walls, which presumably had been made out of papier maché.

The breakfast was disgusting, so we promptly packed up and checked out, much to the consternation of the insane receptionist who demanded to know our reasons (we were too polite to say your hotel is the biggest craphole on the south coast) but fortunately got a refund of our second night.

And then we checked into a beautiful hotel in Sandown with a seaview and a balcony, a hot blond porter, and a breakfast that didn’t taste like it had already been digested. Still a little noisy I suppose but a palace in comparison. We had a lovely day at the zoo and the dinosaur museum, and then on our last day drove around a bit and saw some of the other towns.

All in all it was very nice after its wobbly start, but I was still very glad to get home to my own bed and normal people.

PS Also, when someone in Ventnor says hello to you in the street, they are apparently not trying to mug you, they are just being provincial. So I probably shouldn’t have pepper-sprayed that old lady.

12 September 2007

Woo hooooooooooo!

I got the job! They didn’t keep me waiting long, they let me know at about 11am this morning. I’m so pleased! And a bit scared, but I’m always scared of change.

I’m also feeling a bit guilty about ditching my team, especially as my manager only just left last week. Between the two of us we kept quite a lot of things running smoothly, so there’ll be quite a big hole now! Oh well, if it all falls apart I suppose it won’t be my problem any more. Still feel a bit bad though.

But anyway, woo hoo for me! I am now going to be a Website and Learning Technologies Developer, sounds swish doesn’t it? Assuming I don’t get crappy references and they withdraw the offer.

10 September 2007

Bit nervous

I’ve got a job interview tomorrow, and I’m getting quite nervous now. It’s for a web job and I really want it. I’m quite fed up with my current job now, and that just makes me want it even more!

I’m not sure if anyone from work reads this actually, not many of them know I’m going for an interview. Ah well, if they do read it it’ll save me telling them I suppose!

Anyway, interview is at 11.15, so anyone who reads this between now and then: think happy thoughts!


Well I’ve got my new glasses now, and they seem alright. I’m glad I spent a bit on them, because at least I’m more likely to wear them if they look nice. The last pair I got (5 years ago) were cheap and nasty, and so I only wore them for a couple of months. Waste of money really.

I have also tried out wearing my contacts to go clubbing, and was pleasantly surprised. Although I first thought “well this is pointless, it’s almost dark in here anyway”, I realised after a while that people dancing on podiums etc were actually a lot clearer and more detailed. Which, again, was good for checking out who was nice looking and deserved a second look. I think I had just got used to people far away looking smudgy.

I think I am turning into quite a letch as I get older. I seem to spend quite a bit of my free time on Boy Appreciation (that’s an activity, not a website or anything. Actually, maybe that SHOULD be a website...) Not that I ever talk to any of them of course, I just appreciate from afar, so I guess it’s fairly harmless. If a little pervy.

02 September 2007

Artificially enhanced humanoid

After 5 years I finally went to the opticians yesterday to get some new glasses. I’ve had glasses for 5 years, but only wore them on and off for 6 months and then put them in a drawer.

So anyway, I’ve now paid an extortionate amount of money for new glasses (apparently you aren’t allowed to have nice glasses without paying lots for them. No wonder poor people always look so ugly) and I am also trying contact lenses. I have a trial pair in at the moment. It’s a bizarre sensation, I can feel my vision has been externally altered but there are no glasses there.

I have already found one significant advantage though: when walking along the seafront looking for hot boys I can now spot them from much further away and scrutinise them in much greater detail once they get nearer. It’s highly enjoyable.

01 September 2007

Window to weight gain

Well, I have spent a whole week now deliberately eating more in an effort to put some weight on. I feel so FULL all the time. I’m basically eating every hour now, whether it’s a cereal bar or a milkshake or another ceral bar or some crisps or an apple or my lunch or my dinner.

To be honest, I’m not sure it’s going to make all that much difference. I’m eating pretty much as much as I can and it isn’t that much more than I was eating before, given that I’ve always been a greedy bastard.

We shall have to wait and see (I almost put ‘weight and see’ then, boom boom!). Maybe I’ll be a buff, bronzed adonis in a couple of weeks. Or a skinny wretch with a pot belly.

26 August 2007

Alcoholic trauma #2

No, I haven’t fainted again, although it has been a bit touch and go at times.

I went to the doctors to see if I should be concerned about my lack of a constitution and inability to remain conscious. I saw a nice nurse (you’re never allowed to see a doctor there, not unless you actually have a limb detached or something) who said that probably I’m fine. I’m just too thin and have no energy reserves, so after gorging myself on calorific alcohol I get a slump afterwards. So she thinks I should eat more and try to gain some weight.

Gain some weight?! What about my anorexic chic? Hmm… I’ll have to have a think about that. I wouldn’t mind being a bit broader and more muscly, but I’m not sure how exactly I could eat more than I do at the moment. I suppose I could pipe milkshake directly into my veins during the night.

20 August 2007

Alcoholic trauma

Naomi’s wedding was lovely. I hadn’t realised it was going to be in a massive marquee in the middle of a field, but they had done it so nicely. And there was a free bar all night, result! But that also meant I don’t know how much I drank.

I remember nearly getting tearful at the hog roast because of its poor little piggy face and piggy tail. And then I remember getting back to the B&B and taking photos of each other being dwarves (sorry to the dwarfish community). And I fell down between two beds. And I saw some female nipples, which was exciting for me.

But then for the THIRD time after drinking I almost fainted in the car on the way home again the next day. I have got such a fragile constitution! I really ought to do something about my low blood pressure and hypoglycaemia issues. Or just stop drinking so much. But then we do need to be realistic about this, and wine does taste awfully nice…

18 August 2007

Forgive me Facebook

I just got up and put the computer on, and then sat here for a while thinking “now what is it I normally open first on here?” And I couldn’t remember, so I did some emails for a bit and mooched about.

And then I thought OH MY GOD FACEBOOK! How could I have forgotten?? I feel dirty and unfaithful now, I’m sorry Facebook. I’m changing my homepage immediately so that never happens again.

Off to a wedding reception in Hertfordshire today, should be good fun. I just hope I don’t have a hangover-induced fainting fit in the car on the way home tomorrow, Ellie will never forgive me. And I can’t buy her off with Transformers toys from Woolworths like I did with Chris.

17 August 2007

Going to the shops is now a multi-obstacle assault course

How hard can it be to walk to the shops unimpeded? Well, apparently very.

First there’s the rather dirty looking drunk man who thinks taking a zig zag route up the pavement is the way to go. Special Brew at 11am anyone? That took some careful negotiation and swerving to ensure no part of me came into contact with him.

Then there’s the pack of EF Language School students in matching backpacks. Do they REALLY need to travel in herds of 50? And all cross the road at once, regardless of traffic? Do they not have traffic on the continent or something? I admit, accidentally getting myself into the middle of the group instead of skirting round it was a mistake. I thought they were going to realise I wasn’t one of them and start shouting “burn the witch!” Eventually obstacle two was cleared, 10 points.

And then there’s the bloody cheeky chappy in his yellow bib and clipboard ready to pounce on you to ask for just £2 a month in aid of whichever charity he’s been asked to wear the bib for today. I used to try to be polite to them, and even occasionally stopped to talk to them sometimes, but the years have eroded my good manners and I have now perfected the art of the Quick Shutdown. Try it some time, it works on bib-sporters and street beggars alike. Do not slow down. Do not change direction. Raise one hand in a stop motion and proclaim loudly “No, I’m not stopping”. Do not allow your hand motion to become an opening for them to shake your hand, another recent trick of theirs. Keep moving, even if your trajectory is taking you into oncoming traffic. It is cruel but much quicker in the long run. You can also vary the wording for street beggars who wish to tell you their life story to “Yeah, I’m not giving you any money” just so there’s no misunderstanding.

Eventually got to the shops, and then forgot to get the thing I’d gone out for in the first place. Bugger.