13 October 2008

Update to the homosexual dilemma

I'm still pondering what to do about my brother's wedding, and haven't really managed to decide yet. I've talked to a few friends about it, but their advice has varied quite a bit and hasn't always been that helpful. Mostly people just don't really understand, and why would they? It's a funny thing being gay and hiding it from people. You get so used to doing it when you're growing up, but then at some point you think "why am I doing this again?". And it's all very well for people to say "well they'll just have to accept it won't they?", but it doesn't really work like that, and it's different when it's you and your life at issue.

Anyway, I think that it's looking most likely that Chris will just come to the evening of the wedding as a general 'evening guest'. That's probably the most discreet option while still allowing me to have him there. I'm not going to know that many people during the day and the dinner, which isn't going to be great as I find socialising a bit hard and normally rely on Chris a bit to do the talking with new acquaintances, but I'll just have to manage for once. And then at least if he comes in the evening, by which time my parents will be leaving, I'll have him to talk to from then.

I still think it'll be a bit obvious because it's not like we'll each be circulating around talking to other people individually, we'll just latch onto each other once he arrives. But fuck it, what else can I do? And by that stage my grandad will probably be gone so the chances of a scene will be minimised, and I reckon I can handle any of the other family members if they did decide to ask me outright.

Maybe I'm making too much of a big deal out of it, I don't know. But it is a big deal when you're going to get judged negatively by people for who you are and it's essentially beyond your control. It's a very frustrating feeling.
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