X factor disaster!

I can't believe Daniel is still milking his dead wife like a prize fresian, and at the expense of poor Scott! He so did not deserve to go before that fat goofball. Ok, he wasn't going to win, but he had more appeal than sweaty dead wife jabba the hutt. And Louis was so gutless not to vote for Daniel. I felt so sorry for Scott... Oh well, guess I'll be backing Alexandra and Austin now. Oh and also that pointless irish doll deserves to die too.

Update: Some clever person on Digitalspy has commented that Louis probably voted for Scott because he was one of Simon's acts and he was just being malicious. I hadn't thought of it like that, I think that sounds very very likely. I also can't believe that he cited as his reason for saving Daniel the fact that he "meant every word". Hello?? The show's not called 'Once More With Feeling', this is the X-Factor and Daniel has NO charisma!

Atheist Bus Campaign

I am LOVING the Atheist Bus Campaign, I can't believe how much money it has raised since Tuesday.

Basically, someone got fed up with the religious adverts that you see on some buses and trains after she followed the website address on a particular one and found it was quite vicious in its assertion that all non-believers would be burning in hellfire and eternal torture after their death.

So she decided to try to raise enough money to post some counter-adverts stating "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life". The target was £5,500, and Richard Dawkins said if they reached it he would donate £5,500 of his own money to bump it up to £11k.

The Just Giving donation page opened at midnight on Tuesday 21 October, and how long did it take to reach their target? 10 hours 6 minutes! Since then it has soared and soared, and as I'm writing this it currently stands at £97,026.50! How amazing is that?? In only four days! That will pay for one hell of an ad campaign! I've given £10 myself, I think it's fantastic. Atheists typically aren't particularly organised as a group, and I'm so pleased that there are in fact so many out there who with only a little nudge are willing to take action. The Facebook group supporting the campaign already has 7,536 members.

No doubt lots of people will be up in arms about it, Christian Voice already are with their stupid and poorly written press release. Atheism is dying on its feet is it? Erm, reality check anyone? Oh no, silly me, religious types don't believe in reality. I did think initially is it a good idea to link to their press release on here, as it's just giving them extra publicity. But actually it's just this kind of religious idiocy and inaccuracy that's likely to provoke atheists into more action, so I decided to do it anyway. Even the title of their article is wrong: "Bendy bus to take Dawkin's message off-road". Off-road bendy buses? What, driving around in fields and things? NO! Bendy buses would take the message ON ROAD you idiots. I particularly like where it says "People don't like being preached at". WHAT???? That's coming from CHRISTIAN VOICE????????? It's just so hilarious and wrong and poorly written that it boggles the mind.

So anyway, I am proud to support the Atheist Campaign.

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Creamy Fingers

I enjoyed Creamy Fingers muchly last night, although today I feel AWFUL. Really, really awful to the point where I thought I was going to pass out on the bus on the way to work (see previous post). I'm feeling a little better now though, good old ready salted hula hoops, and I'll hopefully be alright after lunch.

So anyway, as suspected Creamy Fingers was similar to Boogaloo in lots of ways. It was back at the Ghetto, they played good pop-type music (I think, memory is hazy, I know I danced lots though), Stu did a song and then Le Gateau Chocolat did a song, and then they played a game. The key difference was the game involved cream cakes. Stu also gave out filthy badges, which was nice, he didn't do that very often at Dynamite Boogaloo. Don't ask me what songs they sang during cabaret, I haven't got a clue now. I'm also a bit hazy on the terms of the game, I think it involved eating two cakes each time you got an answer right. Or wrong. Or both.

The drinks were very, very cheap, which is why I'm not feeling so hot today. It was only £1.50 for a vodka and whatever, and you could get these shot things for 50p, so Chris was very pleased when he came tottering back from the bar with six drinks for six pounds. The shots were quite vile, they tasted like undiluted orange squash with a kick. Oh yes, and it was free to get in before 11, which was good.

I was expecting it to be rammed, and it wasn't, which I found surprising for a launch. It was decently full though mostly, with enough people dancing, although it was noticeable during cabaret that the audience weren't that loud due to lower numbers. I hope it does OK, I do need a Boogaloo replacement. Doing it fortnightly might work because you can't think "oh I'll just go next week instead", so it might help make us get up and get out intstead of being lethargic and staying in.

Here are some photos:

Stu feeds the starving masses


Cabaret time: a girl called something like Sam who frequently inveigles herself into cabaret VS a cute boy from Birmingham (how unfortunate for him)


Le Gateau Chocolat astounds with another sartorial triumph


The cute boy ended up winning so deserves another picture


And I'm still not sure about my new hair. I'm trying to grow it, but think it looks a bit rubbish. SOMEONE had exceptionally nice hair last night, which makes mine look even worse

Oh god

I feel like I'm going to die.

My fingers are ready for the cream

Tonight is the launch of Boogaloo Stu's Brighton Creamy Fingers night at the Ghetto. Chris and I have said we'll go and I'm quite looking forward to it, although I woke up really tired this morning. I'm hoping just to ride it out though and that I'll perk up once I've had a couple of drinks at home tonight.

The night looks like it will be quite similar to Dynamite Boogaloo in that it'll be playing pop and alternative-type music and there will still be a cabaret. The main difference is Dolly Rocket won't be there, she seems to be doing nights at Legends now, and nor will Dynamite Sal, who is running a different pop night just round the corner at Audio. I hope it will be good anyway. They've already said they'll be doing it fortnightly from 20 November. I expect it will be pretty busy tonight as it's the launch and there are lots of people down to go on Facebook (80 at the moment I think, although not all of those will turn up).

Anyway, I shall review the experience tomorrow once my hangover has subsided.

X-Factor, bam bam bam, bam bam ba naaa naaa

I do love the X-Factor, despite it being the epitome of trash TV. I've gone off some things like Big Brother, but I still really get into X-Factor. I think it's the act of choosing your favourite from a selection that does it for me, a bit like Pokémon. The fact that they sometimes have a good looking boy or two doesn't hurt either (Austin and Scott are best this year).

Dannii Minogue never ceases to surprise, with her bizarre slitty nostrils and the insane way she squawks "hot hot hot, extra jalapeño, I want what she's having, etc" after her acts perform. I was quite shocked this week by how much she looked like a sex doll though - was that the look she was going for?



This week's episode carried the normal amount of disappointment that the really really poor acts still somehow managed to get through. I'm thinking particularly of Daniel "corpse for a wife" Evans. What is he still doing there? He has no sex appeal at all, his voice is mediocre, and no-one would buy his records other than post-menopausal old biddies who think he looks like "a nice boy". He only got through, and has only survived this far, on the basis of him milking his dead wife like a prize Fresian. The only way he could have drawn more attention to it in his audition would have been to skid into the room riding her decomposing carcass like a sled. He needs to go, and he needs to go soon; you can't get rid of perfectly good acts and retain his sweaty fat-cheeked pudginess in their place, it's just not fair.

I thought the coaching that Rachel has undergone was very obvious too. They know she's got a big mouth on her and that she didn't take criticism well in the auditions, and so she has clearly been drilled to respond to every comment by saying "thank you, it's been taken on board" incessantly like a parrot with an inferiority complex.

I'm also still quite surprised by the delusions that X-Factor contestants maintain. To be clear - winning the X-Factor is not going to make you a pop star. Not a proper one. It makes you an X-Factor winner who will have a Christmas number 1 and if they're lucky one or two more singles before the record label, and the public, lose interest. Leona Lewis has done reasonably well, but she's an unusually good winner. Do they not remember what happened to all the other winners? Steve Brookstein was appalling and got dropped really quickly. Shayne Ward seemed to have potential, but is still relatively obscure three years after he won. Leona is fine, if a little sickly, and might carry on for a while. And Leon has had what, two singles? I can't name them, even the X-Factor winning number 1 from last year. He'll disappear fairly soon too. And yet the contestants still believe this is going to propell them to world fame. No, it won't. You'll get to have a couple of hits, and be part of the X-Factor tour. That's fine, but don't expect much more. And then once you've been dropped you've got to go back to the real world and try to get a normal job, and feel embarrassed that you're working in an office again.

An additional odd delusion is the one touted by parents on the X-Factor that they want to "win for a better life for their children". Hmmm, apart from saying it for the obvious milking of the wee children, how exactly do they this is going happen? Being away from home, touring and performing, particularly for those that are single parents, is not in my opinion going to improve their children's lives. Yes they might have more money, but I think their children would rather have a parent than a weekly maintenance cheque.

This concludes my X-Factor rant. It wasn't meant to be a rant, I intended to write how much I like it. And despite the apparent evidence to the contrary, I do love it, I do watch religiously, and I'm sure I'll have voted more than once before the series is out. Shouting at the screen is just part of the fun.

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Vanity sets in

I've just been out and bought moisturiser for the first time in my life. I don't normally use any beauty-type products, other than my moisturising aftershave balm which I don't think really counts because it's just creamy aftershave and you have to put something on after you shave.

But I was in the mood to treat myself, and I've seen things about men not being afraid to moisturise any more on the telly. So I spent 10 minutes in the Mens section of Superdrug carefully reading the back of all the moisturisers and comparing the price per millilitre of each one (so anal, I know). I bought two things, one moisturising face cream thing, and one rather expensive thing for reducing the dark circles under your eyes. I've always had dark circles, to the point where people have asked me if I've been hit in the face before, but it's never occurred to me to try to do anything about them.

I've just tried them both out, and look.... moderately different, I suppose, if I'm being generous. My skin feels soft where I've moisturised, but the eye cream seems to have had the primary effect of making my dark circles shiney. Not sure if that was what I was going for, it did say something about reflecting the light to brighten the area, but I didn't particularly want shiney black discs as opposed to matt ones.

Well anyway, I expect you have to use them more than once before they do that much good. I wasn't expecting to look immediately radiant to the point where friends would say "oh my, who radianted your face?"

But I've obviously another little step in the direction of being 30 and the long dark road of getting old...

If your music's not black you're not coming in

Apparently Leona Lewis has been booed at the MOBO awards for not having bothered to show up to collect her prizes for best album and video. A little harsh I thought, but I suppose not attending does make it look like the award doesn't mean very much to you. Saying 'I'm there in spirit with you all' by pre-recorded video message also sounds a bit fake and sappy too (so at least in keeping with Leona's personality, she's so milky you could whiten your tea with her).

It did get me thinking though, as I always do when these awards roll around again, what is the actual point of them? Why do they single out music of black origin for particular recognition, and why are they defining music by skin colour at all?

Yes I realise that they say you don't have to be black to win a MOBO, it's not the colour of the performer they're describing but the origin of the music, and a few non-black people win things from time to time like Amy Winehouse winning best female or best drug addict or whatever it was. But it still seems bizarre to me and I'm yet to find a satisfactory justification for them.

Are they saying music of black origin is under-represented in awards so needs its own special ceremony? I doubt it - the charts are stuffed full of succesful rappers and R&B singers and hip hop stars who win all sorts of things. In fact loads of our best music today could be described as 'of black origin'.

Are they saying black music is all the same and can be judged as a single category? Again, probably not. And if not, why lump all music of black origin together in the first place? Does it even go together? It seems a rather too broad category that contains a very diverse range of music.

And I don't think you could get away with a Music Of White Origin award, it would sound like a White Power event. I think it would probably be a fairly crappy evening too, unless you particularly like country and folk music to the exclusion of all others.

It seems to me that it just perpetuates divisions along racial lines for no real benefit. How are you supposed to get passed race if you never shut up about it?

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Update to the homosexual dilemma

I'm still pondering what to do about my brother's wedding, and haven't really managed to decide yet. I've talked to a few friends about it, but their advice has varied quite a bit and hasn't always been that helpful. Mostly people just don't really understand, and why would they? It's a funny thing being gay and hiding it from people. You get so used to doing it when you're growing up, but then at some point you think "why am I doing this again?". And it's all very well for people to say "well they'll just have to accept it won't they?", but it doesn't really work like that, and it's different when it's you and your life at issue.

Anyway, I think that it's looking most likely that Chris will just come to the evening of the wedding as a general 'evening guest'. That's probably the most discreet option while still allowing me to have him there. I'm not going to know that many people during the day and the dinner, which isn't going to be great as I find socialising a bit hard and normally rely on Chris a bit to do the talking with new acquaintances, but I'll just have to manage for once. And then at least if he comes in the evening, by which time my parents will be leaving, I'll have him to talk to from then.

I still think it'll be a bit obvious because it's not like we'll each be circulating around talking to other people individually, we'll just latch onto each other once he arrives. But fuck it, what else can I do? And by that stage my grandad will probably be gone so the chances of a scene will be minimised, and I reckon I can handle any of the other family members if they did decide to ask me outright.

Maybe I'm making too much of a big deal out of it, I don't know. But it is a big deal when you're going to get judged negatively by people for who you are and it's essentially beyond your control. It's a very frustrating feeling.

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Birthday and brainfreeze

Yesterday was Chris' birthday, so we had a nice meal out and then went to see Dara O'Briain's stand up show at the Dome. It was good, he's very funny, but I'm glad we were sitting towards the back because he bases a large part of the show on talking to people near the front. I can't imagine anything worse than if he were to start asking me questions. But he didn't anyway, so it was fine.

I think I preferred the Simon Amstell show we saw a few months ago, but Chris said he liked Dara more. There was one bit where he started laying into homeopathy and two haughty-looking women in amber jewellery sitting in front of us really noticeably stopped laughing. Clearly stepping on some toes there I thought, but it's their fault for believing in the healing power of a glass of water. If I'm ever in a car crash I certainly won't be hoping that a homeopath will happen to be passing.

Also I may, or may not, have had another bout of forgetfulness. It's difficult to tell - how can you remember if you've forgotten something? There was no card from Chris' Mum on his birthday, but she thought she'd put it in the bag with his present (which I had squirreled away). And now I don't know if I put it somewhere else. I may have done. Or Chris' Mum, who is also forgetful, may never have given it to me. I just don't know. I also couldn't remember yesterday if I'd washed up my mug at work - the only way I could tell was to look at it and see it was clean so yes I must have done. But I literally had only done it 15 minutes before, but still couldn't remember. I think it's because I'm bored at the moment. Work is really dull, so my brain turns in on itself and I think about things in my head all day, and just wander around doing things on autopilot without actually taking them in.

On a more positive note, the students are back now so I finally have something to look at out of my window! They haven't made any of them get topless yet, but there have been a couple of cute medical students, and I'm sure they'll need to do some male physiology at some point...

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A homosexual dilemma

I'm having a bit of a dilemma about my brother's wedding next year. Unlike my wedding, to which I simply didn't invite them, there will be a number of family members on my Dad's side at my brother's wedding who don't know about me enjoying the boy love. So I'm in a predicament about what to do regarding Chris and taking him with me or not.

Historically, this hasn't been much of a problem because I hardly ever see that side of the family, and I'm more than adept at side-stepping the occasional "haven't you got a girlfriend yet" question once every six months when I do see them. I'm also not particularly close to them (i.e. I don't actually like them), so have seen no reason to share that side of my life with them.

I don't particularly care if people like my uncle or cousins know; their opinion is basically meaningless to me. I do resent the idea that they would quite possibly look down on me if they knew, when in fact they are fairly mediocre individuals who have no right to look down on me at all, but I could probably live with it by simply never seeing or thinking about them ever again. But in the past I have dug my heels in about my grandad knowing. Not, of course, because I care that much about his opinion either; he's a cantankerous and rude old man who has always been quick to voice his negative judgements about me and my brother and has traditionally favoured our cousins because they are "good with their hands" rather than academic achievers. The reason has been that he is fairly wealthy and I haven't wanted to be screwed out of my inheritance by his bigoted attitudes after all these years of putting up with him.

So it has been very easy these past ten years simply not to tell them, rarely to see them, and when my Mum asks "wouldn't it nice for it to be out in the open?" for me to reply that no it would not.

But Dave's wedding will bring things to a head. They've said they would love for Chris to be there as he's family and has a right to be there, but that they'll leave the decision up to me. So do I:

• take him as my partner and out myself at the wedding, possibly causing a scene at Dave's wedding which I do not want to do
• out myself in advance of the wedding and then take Chris, again with the potential for a scene
  
• take him as my secret partner but officially just as a friend of Dave and Janine's who is sitting on the same table as me (might be a bit obvious, don't know)
• go on my own but then have Chris come later to the evening along with other evening guests
• go without Chris at all, and when asked "when are you getting married then?" refrain from replying "I got married last year thanks, you just weren't invited"

Oh it's so difficult. Would people guess if Chris were there not as my boyfriend? My grandad probably not, but uncles possibly. And then there is always the risk that someone in Janine's family (who presumably all know about me, there's no reason they wouldn't) might get chatting to one of them and ask if they enjoyed my wedding last year (clang, huge piece of metal hits marble floor).

And do I still care if they know? Not really. If I'm excommunicated I won't be that bothered, I just won't have to endure my grandad at Christmas any more. But I do care that it might be my Dad that gets flack off my grandad for it (although he'd probably tell him to shut his face), and I don't want to inflict that upon him. I don't even care that much about the money any more.

Hum. Don't know. Whatever I choose has the potential to be a disaster.

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Sleepless of Brighton

I hate the fact that I can be too tired to sleep. Where's the point in that as a biological process? I've been exhausted all day and desperate for bed, so I end up going to bed quite early, and then two hours later I'm still awake. Chris is out without me, again, so I feel like a loser, again. I just don't have the energy to keep up with him, certainly not two nights in a row. It's really quite depressing and makes me feel like I've already turned into my mother. I hate it.

Not getting involved

I read today about a man who was killed on Sunday after stepping in to stop someone being attacked. I find things like that quite upsetting, because it means that you can't risk being a good citizen about anything any more. No matter what you see, vandalism or an attack or any antisocial behaviour, you have to think "no I can't get involved, it's too much of a risk, I could get killed".

When did we slide into having so little respect for each other? Most people are still good and decent aren't they? I wouldn't dream of attacking someone or verbally abusing someone or trying to steal things. So it's just a small minority of people who have learnt that you can probably get away with any behaviour, because the police will never arrive in time and no-one will intervene to stop you out of fear. And somehow they have no empathy, they don't care how they affect other people and they have no respect for them. I'm sure it would be a different story if their own grandmother got mugged and raped though, or if someone smashed their car up just for a laugh.

I came home a week or so ago in the evening, and as I walked into our building I realised there were two or three men doing some form of drugs (the one where you heat up a teaspoon, I don't know what that is) in the park at the back, right by our back gate. I was appalled; children live in our building, and they were doing it right there, and barely spared me a glance. But what was I going to do? If I'd told them to clear off out of it, they would either have ignored me or become aggressive and shot me or something. So I went inside and thought "I'll call the police" - that's all you can do these days. Not 999 of course, it's not an emergency, so I just rang the station. After ten minutes on hold waiting even to report it, I gave up, and a few minutes after that the men were gone anyway. Even if I had got through, the police would never have arrived in time to do anything about it.

I think it's awful, really really bad. The Conservatives have recently announced plans to make it less likely that you'll get prosecuted yourself if you step in to stop a crime. But what good is that going to do exactly? I know it's ridiculous that if you apprehend a mugger you might get charged with assault, but changing the way the law works can't make stepping in any safer. You could still get yourself killed. So people will continue to walk on by for their own safety.

I'm beginning to see the attraction of living in a gated community. Other people are horrible.

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Columbo returns

We got the car back finally from the garage yesterday, and he appears to be all better now. He's got a new bumper on the middle and left bit (which now doesn't match the right hand bit, but never mind), and a new wheel, and he seemed OK when we drove him home. It's quite nice to have him back, I'm quite attached to our little car. We had to pay the £150 excess, and we still haven't really heard what the outcome of all the insurance claims is, but hopefully the worst part of the sorting out should be over with now.

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Blog redesign

I'm very disappointed that I spent ages redesigning my blog and not one person has commented on it. Tsk.

I'm not sure I like it anyway, it wasn't quite how I imagined it in my head. I might do another design, maybe something bluer. God knows I need something to occupy my time at the moment.

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