Fuck you very much, Lily Allen

I don't like Lily Allen very much. In fact, she annoys the piss out of me, and here's why.

The thing about Lily Allen is that she's under the impression that she's cool. Actually it's more than that, she thinks that she's too-cool-for-school, and that pretty much everything else apart from her is kind of lame. That's part of what she thinks makes her cool - generally not liking anything, because it's uncool to like things and say they're good, so she just says everything apart from her music is shit.

Admittedly she likes Kate Nash. But to be honest, anyone who likes Kate Nash has got far more serious issues than just a stupid pudding bowl haircut that makes her look like a Lego woman.

A few of her songs are quite catchy, but lots of them are rather lazy lyrically, and I can't help but think she wouldn't really be famous if she weren't Keith Allen's daughter. That was all that really made her noteworthy in the first place.

Take her Fuck You song - yes it's got an alright tune, but calling it Fuck You and singing fuck you over and over again is typical of the kind of "I wanna be controversial" nature that she exemplifies. It's like it was written by a child trying to get attention by swearing. Which is exactly what she did at the GQ Awards actually: she got pissed, swore lots on stage and generally behaved like a brat just so people would look at her.

She said in an interview that her disparaging remarks about other singers were due to a lack of confidence, because she felt short, fat and ugly next to them. Well yes Lily, you are short and kind of ugly, I wouldn't necessarily say fat but you won't be making any bikini commercials, but that doesn't make it OK to slag off anything you feel threatened by. If you were a brilliant musician then maybe you'd be in a position to comment, but you're really not.

So no, I don't like Lily Allen. She's unforgivably rude, insufficiently talented and undeservedly smug.